That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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