ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
