If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i now understand why vodka
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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