Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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