Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
