i wish peter jackson would direct porn
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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