It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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