I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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