need another drink. this is the easiest way
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
