She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
