Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
