12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
