I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
