i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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