Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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