from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
