We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
