would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
