the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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