Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
