i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
