i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
