yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
