Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
