New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
