The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
