He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
