He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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