You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
