Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I puked a lego.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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