Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
