Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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