Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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