She is in my trunk
I just pynch a tree in the face
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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