Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
