Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
