Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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