Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
