On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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