I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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