all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
