You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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