i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
