If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
