Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
