Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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