We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
