I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
