My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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