Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
