did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
